It's been a while.

So. Soooooooo. It's been quite a long period of time. In fact, I do not know why I am writing again, considering it's been, oh, 4 months or so. 

But, I digress. 

I'm on break from my first semester at my loooovely community college. I'm so happy for it to be over. 

I have seriously considered just being done, quitting school and working full time at the bookstore. 

Speaking of bookstores, that's what I want to do. Open one of my own, I mean. With the coffee aspect too. Just like my job....but with my own flair. But I don't know the first thing about owning your own business. But I do know that it's a lot of hard work. 

But I'm always extremely happy at my job.....well, almost as "extremely happy" as I get. 

So what else is going on? Nothing really. 

Oh.....there's a boy. We aren't together....we're really good friends. He lives up the street from me, and we started going for walks in....August? 

Anyways, I do feel that I've had feelings for him since we met. The very first day...or night I should say. Aaaand just.....I dunno. I really don't. I'm so confused. 

I hung out with him at his house the week of Thanksgiving, and....yea. And so we didn't talk for around 2, 2 1/2, almost 3 weeks. And then he texts me and apologizes and tells me he misses me. And when I reciprocate the feeling.....he doesn't answer. 

Then a week later, this past Sunday to be exact, he's like, "hey, what's up? Would you wanna stay up late with me tonight?" Of course I agreed. But the night ended early because he ended up getting sick. 

And then last night he texts me and apologizes for the night before, and basically asked if I wanted to hang out. I said yea.....but then we ended up not. 

I don't understand. Of course I'm not going to text him because it seems to be better if he initiates the hang-out times. That way, I know that he wants to and obviously I want to as well.

He's soo different than any other guy. I want to know everything about him, even the things that he would think no one would care to know....if that makes any sense. 

I get in a depressed sort of funk when I'm not talking to him.....we used to go long periods of time without seeing each other and talking.....and I wasn't okay with that, but I dealt with it, it wasn't a huge concern for me....I thought about him a lot during those times apart, but, you know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

But now......I dunno why it's so different all of a sudden. But I feel like......I feel like I can't live without him. That sounds ridiculously lame and creepy-stalker....but I can tell him anything and everything. And now that we're.....friends? Really good friends? Potential couple? Whatever we are, now that we are that, I feel like I don't want to loose him. He's like a drug, to reference Twilight.

The times I have with him are two things.

1) Bittersweet. That's like the perfect word to describe our times together, because obviously it's great. But the bitter part comes in and is always overshadowing my happiness when I'm with him, because the times always seem to go extremely fast, and they're over before I even realize it. 

2) The times are like a dream. After I'm done being with him, it feels like it didn't even happen. Sometimes I have to really think about if it actually was real. 

I'm so frustrated and confused. How can I hate him and love him at the same time? 

Love?

Hmm. All I know is that I have never felt the same way about anyone, and I mean anyone, in the way that I feel about him. All of my family, all of my other friends.....I don't hold the same feelings for any other person. 

And obviously when you love someone, you don't love them in the same way that you love your family, or your close friends. 

I don't know if it is love, like real love, but I am considering that. And it may sound odd considering we're not together.....but we are close friends, and he knows things about me that I don't tell a lot of people, and I know things about him, and......other happenings. 

I didn't pick just anyone. I picked him. 

He needs a code name. I would just prefer to not use him real one, for obvious reasons. 

Hmmm......*C* that shall work. His name obviously starts with a C.

Now enough about this......

I finally found the style I want to dress. Very....sophisticated yet simple, casual yet classy. Main colors: grey, ivory/cream, black, and white. I would love to find a cute pale pink dress.....I'm not a big color person, but pale pink adds to the vintage-y theme I like. Lots of cardigans, sweaters, blouses, wide-leg pants, boots, flats, and of course some Converse here and there. I really want to have all my things, my style of dress, my accessories, makeup, hair style, to really showcase who I am. I'm finally coming into who I want to be....I feel that the way I look should express that. 

Alright.....I've done a lot of ranting. I think should is it for now. I will try to get back into writing. It's like a journal. A really swell outlet for life. 

Catch you later.